Random thought # 14

Gravity - John Mayer

"Gravity is working against me,
And gravity wants to bring me down.
Oh I'll never know what makes this man,
With all the love that his heart can stand,
Dream of ways to throw it all away."

Junior Overnight: Part 1

Damn. So much I can say.
To be completely honest,
the first day and a half was horrible.
I didn't know why I even went.
Yea, I had friends there, but I realized that I'm not really very close with a lot of my classmates.
It's the worst feeling in the world to feel alone in a room full of people. I'd rather be alone by myself.
All I wanted to do was go hike somewhere and seclude myself from everything. I just wanted to sit in the warm sun with the cool breeze blowing on my face - listening to the sounds of birds chirping and wood peckers pecking. I was having the worst time of my life. It reminded me of my yoga class the other day. It was excruciatingly painful when I started. I just kept glancing at the clock and waiting for it to be over. It was the same thing with this retreat, but I didn't have a clock. We weren't supposed to know the time which, actually, was pretty cool. I liked not having such a strict schedule. But at the same time, I just wanted to clock to tick down until it was Friday and I was home in my bed, curled in a ball.
But what I didn't think about was the end of yoga class. Toward the end, it was actually enjoyable. We did exercises that I was more familiar with, and it wasn't so bad. I was actually starting to enjoy myself. The same thing happened on retreat. After everybody was all cried out, I started to gain some confidence. People had confessed their burdens and things that were weighing them down. It made me feel so much less alone to know that everybody is going through mostly the same things. There are so many people who feel the same way I do. Some people just express different feelings different ways. Some are better at hiding their feelings, some are better with letting them go, and some just need a little help.

The second half of that day was amazing. Friday was really great, too.
I started letting loose and being myself.
Doing the reflection questions made me realize that the only thing in my way is... me.
I always put myself down before someone else has a chance to. That way only I can only disappoint myself and no one else. I'm realizing that I don't need to put myself down.
Once I realized that, I was actually having a good time. I made new friends and strengthened some bonds.
Overall, I'm really glad I went. It was a great experience.

Tumblr - Day 23

Day 23:
Something you crave for a lot.

Friends. Water. Chewing gum. Jokes. Food. Music. Cookies.

Paint & Canvases. Texting. Facebook. Social-ness. Scrabble.

Laughter. Games. Crafts. Biking. Hugging. Singing. Having fun.. ing.

 

Random thought # 13

My GOD you're gorgeous.

If only you knew.

Tumblr - Day 22

Day 22:
What makes you different from (mostly) everyone else?

A lot of things.

Physical differences would include:

• I have red hair.
• I've never broken a bone.
• I'm a lefty.
• One of my eyes looks like it pooped, because there's a small spillage of brown.
• When I was little, the tip of my finger was chopped off. It was put back on, but it looks slightly abnormal. Better than not having a fingertip, though.

Other differences:

• I like pretty much all types of music.
• I'm very un-opinionated.
• I can't match a celebrity face to a name or vice versa.
• I have an abnormally short memory - both long term and short.
• I like to change how I look. Very. Often.
• I've shaved a good portion of hair off. 
• My first instrument I learned to play was accordion.

I'm just plain odd. I have an interesting personality. I can be quite a lunatic at times. I get a high off of laughing. I WILL embarrass myself to make people happy.

Tumblr - Day 21

Day 21:
A picture of something that makes you happy.

There's way too many things that make me happy.
To picture one..

GUM. It's kind of like a stress relief thing.

Some other things that make me happy:

• My friends.
• Seeing people smile. 
• My friends. 
• Water.
• My friends.
• Being in nature.
• My friends.
• Starbucks.
• My friends.
• Singing.
• My friends.
• Jobies & Demolay.
• My friends.
• Dancing. 
• My friends.
• Music.
• My friends.
• Ethnic food.
• My friends.
• Seeing people smile.
• My friends.

Tumblr - Day 20

Day 20:
Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future.

HAHAA! That's not possible to answer at this point in time in my life.
Ask me again in a few years when I'm out of high school and settled in college.

Of course, being a girl, I've imagined what it would be like if I were with one of my boyfriends for the rest of my life. Heck, even my dad told me that he could see me and my used-to-be current boyfriend (at the time being), raising our children together. "One day you and ___ will bring you children down here." At the time, I could see that happening.. and so could my (ex)boyfriend. But that's what happens when you're young and you love someone. You think it'll last forever.

But anyway,
as it stands right now,
there's not anyone I could see myself marrying or being with in the future.
Maybe my future husband is already in my life and I don't know it;
maybe he's not in my life and we'll find each other some day.
However it turns out,
we'll find each other if
it's meant to be.

Random Thought #12

Your freckles are the cutest thing on this side of the Earth (:

Tumblr - Day 19

Day 19:
Nicknames you have; why do you have them.

The reasons won't be super cool,
but since you asked..

Becca - Most common nick name. I guess it's just a shorter version of my name for lazy people.. haha
Becky - My 3rd grade teacher would always call me Becky. Not many people call me Becky anymore.
Becks - From my favoritest person, Nick Zappss(:
Rebble - I suppose I got this because it's a mixture of "Rebecca" and "Rebel".. cuz you know me (;
Recebba - Because I'm dyslexic.
BeccaBoo - Mah girlss.
BeccaBaby - Same as above.

Well those are the generic boring ones.
I can't really think of any others..

Do these count?

Boo - The guy who is always gunna be in my heart.
Babe - The most fantastic person in the world.. and this guy.. (;
Momma - My beautiful "daughters" Rachel, Hannah and Arielle.

Tumblr - Day 18

Day 18:
Plans/dreams/goals you have.

Wow. Hmm. I'm not good with plans/dreams/goals and the like.
Some plans for the near future would be to get good grades, improve my friendships, make new friends, go to more sports games, go to the gym, go bicycling more often, eat healthier.. things like that.
The reason I wanna go to more sports games is because I'm trying to vary and expand on things I like to do. I like watching sports, but I usually only watch them when I go to Islands and sit at the bar. So going to more sports game is step one for that. There's other things I want to add to my list of things I like, but I can only accept so many new concepts at once.
Dreams I have. Let's see..
Well, here's my thing on dreams. I love the quote "Don't dream your life, live your dreams", but I also believe that some things can only happen in dreams. Especially those really bizarre dreams. Dreaming is a time when anything is possible. If I had a dream, it would be that someday, I'd fall in love. That's my biggest dream. I want to fall in love when I least expect it. Or maybe I will expect it. Either way, that's my life dream. Not really a life goal, but a life dream. A life goal is something you plan toward and do something about to make it possible. You can't plan on falling in love, or do something to make it happen. Love is a powerful thing. But that's for another time and another blog.
My goals: to do well and be successful.
Really, my only goal in life is to be happy and make others around me be just as happy, if not more.
I want to be successful in what I do. I know that I won't be successful and everything, and there's gunna be times when I'm quite the opposite of successful, but that's life, and I'm ready for it. I learn best from mistakes.

I may not be perfect, but my mistakes are.

Tumblr - Day 17

Day 17:
Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why.

Wow. That's a difficult one.
Someone I would want to switch lives with..
Hmm..
I'm not gunna say her nme, but I will call her by a letter in her name.
E. (Yes I realize that that's a common letter for someone's name, but that's kinda the point.)
Anyway,
E.
.. Wow, now that I think about it, that's a VERY common letter. haha

ANYWHO,

I would love to switch lives with her,
because she gets everything she wants.
She can do just about anything she wants to.
I would love to be spoiled like she is.
Sure, it would make me a rotten, selfish person,
but just for one day? That can't be bad.
She can pierce herself, color her hair ten different colors, buy loads of expensive designer brand makeup,
get the nicest and most recently "in" clothes, have the perfect tan, perfect body.. perfect everything.

I know that she's probably doesn't think of all that as very cool,
but that's because she's used to it.
If I had all of that, I'd be in heaven.
But I'd also be really superficial.

When I think about it,
I'm okay with:
Just got my ears pierced recently. Can only subtly color my hair. Only buying CVS makeup.
Having the same clothes and almost never getting to update my wardrobe.
Having white and freckly skin. Having a chubs belly and big thighs...

Why would I be okay with all that?
Because. That all doesn't really matter.
I'm proud of my personality, and who I am.
Cliche, but, "It's what's on the inside that counts."
When it comes to characters,
I am E.

So even though I may want to be her,
even just for a day,
I'm content with just being lil' ol' me.

(But it would still be nice to be her for one day.)

Tumblr - Day 16

Day 16:
Another picture of yourself.

I went midnight bowling last weekend.
This is my "WHADDUP my ball actually hit some pins!" stance/face.

Scent

You have a certain scent.

I could recognize it anywhere.
I had totally forgotten what it was.
I didn't even remember you smelled like anything.

But when I hugged you, a rush of nostalgia filled my senses.

I remember, now.
I remember it all.
I can now be content..

because I remember you.

Closing Cycle

This has honestly got to be one of the best poems I have ever read.

I did not write this - it was written by Paul Coelho, a writer and a poet.

Either way, I still feel the need to share this with everyone.

Everybody in my religion class has already read this,

but for everyone else.. be prepared to read a greatly moving poem.

"One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.

Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters – whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.  Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents’ house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden? You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened.

You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister.

Everyone is finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.

Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.
That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home.
Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts – and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.
Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them.
Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood.

Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.
Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the “ideal moment.”
Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back.

Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person – nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need.  This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important. Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life.  Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust.
Stop being who you were, and change into who you are."

Tumblr - Day 15

Day 15:
Put your iPod iTunes on shuffle: First 10 songs that play.

1. To Where You Are - Josh Groban
2. Ain't She Sweet - The Beatles 
3. Marching Band Of Manhattan - Death Cab for Cutie 
4. One Of The Boys - Katy Perry
5. Californication - Red Hot Chili Peppers
6. Backyard - Natasha Bedingfield
7. Carry On - Spacehog 
8. This Will Make You Laugh - Nat King Cole
9. The Kids Aren't Alright - The Offspring 
10. The Con - Tegan And Sara 

Oh, silly girl.

Pretty, pretty girl.

Don't do this to yourself.

I don't know why in the world anyone would.

You don't need to try to be me to get him to like you.

He likes you, darling, he always will.

Just because he also likes me doesn't mean you need to try and be me.

You're perfect how you are.

I feel guilty that you're trying to be like me.

If it helps, I don't like him back.

He's all yours, hun.

But please - do me a favor.

Listen to me when I say this:

Don't you ever try to be anyone else,

you're perfect the way you are.

Texting.

I absolutely REALLY dislike when this scenario happens:

Somebody text me saying hey.
I reply back to them saying hey.
*One hour later and no response*

??What??
I don't understand it.
If you text me and say hi, I would think you wanted to talk to me.
So when you just never respond,
it's kind of annoying.
I don't mind if you don't want to talk to me,
but no one said you had to text me.
If you're not gunna talk to me, just don't text me.

Addressed to your loss:

Craaaap.
I am not all that good with talking to people about losses..
it's one of the hardest things ever.
There's no words you can say that will make it better.
You can try to help,
but you know that if you were the other person,
you really wouldn't want someone else trying to comfort you.
It sounds strange, but it's true.
When you're in that position of having just lost someone,
there's no words that will really comfort you.
Or if there are,
they're really hard to find.

~
I'm sorry for your loss.
That special person is looking at you from the heavens right now.
They're having lots of fun up there.
They miss you loads and are sending their love.
~

<3

Honestly,

1.Honestly, how many people have you kissed? 9. I think.
2.Honestly, what color is your underwear? Blue with snowflakes!
3.Honestly, what’s on your mind? Starbucks.
4. Honestly, what are you doing right now? I just got home from my friends house. She's sick so I brought her Starbucks. Now I'm just relaxing at home and not doing my homework.
5 Honestly, do you think you are attractive? I s'pose I could be, on my good days.
6. Honestly, have you done something bad today? Snuck out of the house. It was for a good cause, is that still bad? o:
7. Honestly, do you watch Disney channel? Hahaa. I don't really watch TV. But when I do, I occasionally watch Disney.
8. Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now? Probably. I'm always jealous of happy people. That's a given.
9. Honestly, what makes you happy most of the time? Being with friends/seeing other people who are happy/post secret/lovegivesmehope/fml/dumbmoments/blogging. :D
10. Honestly, do you bite your nails? No sir're.
11. Honestly, do you want to see someone this very minute? Ehhh. Not really. I already saw everyone I needed to see tonight. (:
12. Honestly, do you have a deep dark secret? I have a lot.
13. Honestly, when is the last time you have been to taco bell? Haha! I have no idea!
14. Honestly, are you loyal? Yes ma'am.
15.Honestly, are you in denial? LOL. When am I not -_-
16. Honestly, where would you rather be right now? Back at Victoria's house!
17. Honestly, do you like someone? I think so. I always be crushin(;
18. Honestly, is it going anywhere with them? Hmmm. Ask me later.
19.Honestly, what was the last thing someone said to you? "You just wanna see me naked!"
20. Honestly, what did you say to them? "Shh it was supposed to be a secret!" hahaha. That sounds really bad.
21. Gone out of your way to make a new friend? Uhmm, probably.
22. What do you do when you’re mad? STARBUCKS. Or I sit in my bed. Or go to the railroad tracks.
23. What’s the worst thing you’ve done when you were mad? Be mean to people by accident. /:
24. Ever made anyone cry when you were mad? Noo! Made them mad at me? Maybe.
25. Do you swear when you’re mad? In my head. Rarely do I swear out loud when I'm mad.
26. When was the last time you REALLY cried your heart out? Gosh. Uhm, pretty recently.
27. Cried yourself to sleep? A lot.
28. Do you still cry when you get an injury? Not really. I don't choose to cry if I have an injury. If it's really bad, my eyes usually tear up, though.
29. Do certain songs make you cry? YES.
30. What usually makes you cry? Rude or mean people.
31.You’re at a party and the person you fell hardest for is there, what do you do? If we're friends, I go and say hi! If we're not friends, I might wave.
32.What if the last person that kissed you told you they had feelings for you? That'd be interesting.
33.Ever been so drunk someone had to carry you? Hahaa nooo.
34.Have you made out with anyone in the last 2 weeks? No sir're.
35.Have you and the last person you kissed ever talked about going out? We did go out.
36.Did your last kiss mean anything to you? Of course.
37.Say you had a baby with the last person you kissed? Enough questions with this! Hahaa. Uhm, that would really suck. Actually, I kinda had a child with him.. haha.
38.Is there that one guy that you’ll always have feelings for no matter what? Naah. There's that one guy who I will always love, though. My boo!
39.Name one person you dated your 8th grade year? I didn't date anyone my 8th grade year.
40.Your going on a walk at night who’s the first person you call to come along?  Victoria.
41.If you were given the chance to go to Paris, would you go? YES!
42.Do you remember who you had feelings for July 2009? Yeeees. I'd never forget.
43.You’ve just had an argument with the girl/boy you like, you walk away. Do you want them to leave you alone or come after you? If it was really bad, I'd wanna be left alone for a little. Unless they have a solution to the problem, then by all means come after me.
44.Is it a rule to not go out with one of your friend’s ex, or do you think that’s alright to do? If your friend is over them, it's fine. You should give them a heads up that you're gunna be dating their ex, though.
45.Is there a lot of drama in your life? Not anymore.
46.Have you kissed more than 4 people this year? This year? That'd be one person a day.. or 4 in one day! Hahaa. Answer is no.
47.Is there someone you used to talk to every day that you don’t talk to at all? Oh yes. There are a few.

Facebook - A Place for Stalkers.

I know this is going to sound really odd,
but just listen. (I mean.. just read...)

Have you ever...
 been looking through someone's photos on facebook,
then you see either a pretty person, an ugly person, or an interesting person,
and you look to see if they're tagged. Oh hey! They're tagged.
*Click*
Closed profile. Dang.
*Continues to look through photos*
Interesting person!
*Click*
Open profile! Yes!!

Then you look through their photos.

THEN, you will be hanging out with the original friend.. and the friend of theirs who you facebook stalked is with them. So when the original person introduces them to you,
you secretly feel awkward because you already know their name (although you don't actually tell them you already know their name) and you feel like you already know them because you've seen their pictures.

OR,
you are randomly just out in public,
and you see some random person who you have facebook stalked before.
It could even go so much to be a friend of a friend. Or a friend of a friend of a friend, who the original friend doesn't even know. I like to call it: connections.

Maybe I'm crazy.
But I feel like I'm not the only one who this has happened to..

Christofer Drew

So,
I just saw
one of my favorite singers of all time today.
Christofer Drew.
Here's the story:
Jocelyn and I (and Stevie.. but he didn't care all that much)
were just at Venice today.
We saw a guy skateboard by,
and Jocelyn tells me if was Christofer Drew.
Obviously, I don't believe her.
But I told her I would need to see his foot to really know.
OKAY I KNOW THAT SOUNDS WEIRD. LET ME EXPLAIN.
He has a peace tattoo on his foot.

And the guy who was skateboarding was barefoot, so it wouldn't be TOO hard to find out. Unfortunately, he had already gone by. And I wasn't gunna be a creep and chase after him.
So we go on our way and do whatever. THEN, we see the skateboarder dude again!
So we go run up to him,
and what do you know.
Peace sign on his foot.
Oh my, I'm three feet away from Christofer Drew.
Jocelyn gets out her camera to take a picture
(because she's doing this thing where she takes pictures of interesting people).
She introduces herself and takes her pic.
Keep in mind that this whole time, Chris didn't get off his skateboard.
He was skateboarding one way and looking back at Jocelyn for the picture,
so he definitely almost fell.
Anywho,
we gotz da proof that we saw Christofer Drew.
My life is just kinda made. (:

A letter. A sneak. A door. Don't creak!

Yes,
I DID just sneak out of my house
to go to the post office
to mail that letter to you.
I don't send letters very often,
so I'm really hoping that I formatted it right
so that it will get to you.
Phewph.
Talk about a rush of adrenaline.
I snuck in and out of the house
without anyone in my house knowing >:D
I'm so lucky the dogs didn't bark at me
when I went in or out of my front door.
As soon as they hear the creak of the door
they usually rush to into the front room - making as much
noise as possible.
Mission Accomplished!

Boys. Guys. Dudes.

I love this feeling.

It's almost a feeling of superiority.

Or maybe it's just a nice self-confidence boost. 

I like when I'm having a conversation with my guy friend

and we're talking about this "other girl" who he likes. And by

mid-conversation, I can tell the girl is me. It just puts such a nice

smile on my face to know that a guy likes me. Every once

in a while, I will find out that someone new likes me. 

Someone who I never would have guessed

likes me.. (although sometimes, I can

take the hints). It's a mixture of

being conceited, complacent,

and just being happy while

feeling special and loved. I usually

will get different reasons as to why the

guy likes me. Most of the time, though, 

it's because I'm different than all the other girls. 

In a good way. I consider that an accomplishment!

I don't want to be like the other girls. I don't believe I'm

like them anyway. I am my own person - and I like it. I am 

not like any other person you will meet. Why's that? I am myself. 

And if that's what attracts guys, then why aren't all girls themselves?

Why do girls feel the need to be someone else? To be something they're not.

Sure - being a girl, I can understand. We all want to be something that

we already know is loved and desired - like those girls on the 

covers and filling the pages of those shiny magazines. 

Or like the popular girls who are always gorgeous

and appear to have the perfect lives. But, what

I've learned is: what guys are really looking

for is for you to be yourself. They're

looking for someone who is true.

Not a fake person who is 

trying too hard to be

something/someone 
else. Moral of

the story?

Be yourself.

I love...

the sound of typing on keyboards.
Aghh. It's so beautiful!!
Mostly only when the person typing can type
well, fast, or at a nice pace without constant breaks.
That's half the reason I like to type on a computer
rather than write on paper. 
All that clinking and clanking,
the harsh sound of someones finger hitting the backspace button,
the loud and interrupting sound of the enter button,
the slowing down in pace when someone is making sure
they're spelling a difficult word correctly.. or maybe that's just me.
Then the pattering noise you make by tapping you fingers (pinky to index) on the keys
without actually pressing on them
while you're thinking of something to write.
Maybe I'm crazy,
but it's just such a nice sound.
It relaxes me and gets my mind off of other things.
Just the sound of typing.
I could type all day.
Just nonsense.
Like I'm doing now.
It's like a stress ball to me.
TypeTypeTypeType.

First Blog of the Year!

GREAT new start to a great new year.
Today was a really great day.
I went on an adventure with my friend and her mom.
We drove to San Pedro and went to the pier.
It was really gorgeous.
Even though it was pretty cold, the cool breeze felt so refreshing on my face.
The smell of the salt water and the different seafoods sizzling on the grill was so nostalgic and delightful.
I wish I could have stayed there forever.
We ordered lunch in a nice little restaurant.

Then we went on a double-decker boat tour.
It was really relaxing.
I did get a little dizzy though, hanging off the sides :b
Then we went back to her house and played video games.
Then I came home and painted three paintings.
Like I said, great day (: