Medium

I feel like all my life I've been mediocre, average, Plain Jane. Medium.
It's as if I'm balancing on a fine line between something and nothing. Big and small. High and low.
And I'm medium. Always medium.
My pants? Medium. Shirt? Medium.
Grades? Medium. Hair? Medium. Skills? Medium.
My life? Some sort of medium.
Even my laptop battery right now is low-medium.

Oh, that's another thing.

If I'm not medium, I'm low.
Organizational skills? Low. Self-esteem? Low. Ability to be productive? Low.
Knowing what the fuck I want to do with myself or my life? LOW.

I'm starting to realize that I try to do so many things that I start to lose focus of the path I'm standing on and where the next five steps will take me.
My vision is constantly blurry.
My mind is blurry. Thoughts, blurry.
Sense of anything - blurry.

Everything is so blurry that I can't even keep myself concentrated on what I want to write about.
I keep forgetting. My thoughts keep going
s
i
d
e
w
a
y
s
.

I just need to forget. Or remember. Hot damn if I could remember something for once I think my life would be a good 30% easier. 
If I could be productive and efficient, there's another 30% to tack on.
But those are just numbers.
I've never believed in numbers.