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Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Numb to Love

We all have our flaws.
She loves too much,
I love too little.
She can pour her heart out to a guy she's known for a week.
I can see a guy for months and still have little to no feelings.
I'm scared and numb, I'm pessimistic and weak.

Some people might say it's bad that she loves to easily.
Even I think she should slow it down.
Her sob stories are so similar and repetitive and I try to warn her.
But she's going to love.
It doesn't matter what anyone says;
She'll always be a lover and a fighter.

Then there's me.
At the first problem, I wince and question everything I'm doing.
I try to act tough, I try not to feel emotion.
But deep down, I do.
I know that I'm hurt,
But I'll never show it.

She's a fighter and a lover,
I'm a coward and a wanderer.

I try to warn her that she should take her time.
She'll get hurt.
Hearts are fragile - too fragile to be shaken so roughly.
But she - she feels more than I've ever felt.
She feels tenderness. She feels love.
I feel the same repetitive lips and tongue; I'm numb to love.

Emotions escape me.
Love escapes me.
I'm showered in kisses.
I'm deprived of love.
I search for a soulmate.
I act like a child.

Love is too bold a word to ever try to describe.
Love is this. Love is that.
I can't explain love to anyone, because love is different for everyone.
I want to love and I want to be loved.
Patience. I have none.
Instant gratification. I yearn for it.

I'm too pessimistic and too cold to receive love.
I don't let anyone in.
I don't let love in. 
My doors have been shut and my locks have been rusted.
I'm too old for this game.
I'm only just getting started.

I want to be a fighter.
I want to be a lover.
There is no love without hurt.
There are no tears without stories.
I want to be a lover,
But I have much to learn.