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Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Teenager In Love

There's no blog I could write.
No cleverly coded Facebook status,
no song lyrics,
... nothing...
that would make me feel as if I've gotten my point across to you.
Just the chance that you'd see it.
Read it.
Think about it.
Think about me.
I don't know why I do this to myself.
I try to push aside my feelings. But they're always there.
I'm usually well put together,
but every once in a while I break.
And I do what I shouldn't do.
I text you. Or I write to you. Or I visit you.
And it kills me to know that nothing will ever be the same.


Monday, December 19, 2011

Let's Sleep Together

People are most vulnerable when they're sleeping.
It's a time when your body slows down. Your muscles get turned off and you become immobile.
It would be real easy for someone to hurt you.
That's why sleeping with someone is a huge act of trust for both parties.
And no,
not sleeping with someone as in sex.
Sleeping with someone as in sharing the same bed.
Whether it be a friend or a lover. 
Staying warm under the covers together. Talking about anything. Laughing. Smiling. Cuddling.
In the case of people like me, being blind because you took your glasses off, but feeling free of judgement by the other person.
They're the last thing you see before you go to sleep.. and the first thing you see when you wake up.. next to them.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Crying fit

I'm not crying over you.
I'm crying over me.
I bring these problems upon myself.

I always make the excuse that you hate me.
And that I can't be loved by you.

When in reality,
its not that.
Its this:
I hate myself.
And I don't love myself.

My internal problems with myself are causing me to think the world hates me...
that none of my friends like me. 

To be honest,
I don't feel like I'm mature enough for relationships with anyone right now.
And no, that's not in the sense of romantic relationships.
Human relationships in general.
Why should my friends have to love me if I don't even love me?

But at the same time,
this is when I need friends the most..
but I'm scared to say anything...

Thursday, December 8, 2011

The more you ruv someone...

The more you ruv someone,
The more you want to kill ‘em.
The more you ruv someone,
The more he make you cry

Though you are try
For making peace
With them and loving,
That’s why you love so strong
You like to make him die!

So if there someone you are wanting so
To kill ‘em, you go and find him.
And you get him. And you no kill him.
‘Cause chances good, he is your love.

<3 Avenue Q <3

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Letter of Rec.. what happened with that?

The reason I didn’t turn in my Letter of Recommendation Request Form wasn’t because I was lazy, or because I didn’t have enough extracurriculars, or anything like that.. the real reason is because I didn’t know what to write for “What achievement are you most proud of?”
Everything else was filled out…


My lack of talent can be depressing at times.

Everybody wants to be good at something.
Everybody wants to have a skill that others admire.
Everybody wants to “wow” someone…

And I’m no different.

All of my friends are so talented,
and I'm grateful to be around so much talent,
but at the same time,
it just makes me feel so badly about myself.

I can do a little bit of everything...
but I'm not proficient enough in any one thing to the point where it could be considered a talent. 

It hurts so much to try.
I usually just don't try.
Because if I don't try, I have nothing to lose.

That's got to be my biggest flaw - I have very little to no self confidence.
But I usually pull off a smile when I'm with my friends and radiate with optimism.
When I'm by myself, however, it's the opposite.

I tried out for this years musical.
I did the best I could.
I was proud of myself.
And everyone is already saying that they know who got what.
It's the same people getting leads as always.
And I hate to see people complaining about the lead they got because they wanted a different lead.
The way I see it,
at least you got something.
I probably got chorus. Same as always. My full potential - that's what it is.

I also took a math test today.
I studied and did everything I was supposed to.
I thought I did pretty well.
I didn't get a good grade at all.

The list goes on and on.

The only reason I was slightly hopeful for auditions or for my test was because I believed in myself.
I might as well go back to my old ways of not believing in myself.
At least then, I won't be dissapointed.