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Monday, November 14, 2011

Haven't written in a while... (boys)

I died recently.
And so did my blog.
So let me slightly redeem my blog
by my posting of a random thought I've pondered this evening.

I've chosen good boyfriends.
I don't regret dating any of the guys I've dated.
Yeah, some of my relationships didn't reach their full potential because of
silly issues I had/have with myself, or various other reasons,
but all ups and downs included.... everything was perfect.

As to refrain from embarrassing any of them, I won't say too much, but I want to share a happy memory from each relationship.

My first boyfriend was perfect. We were both each others' firsts, and it was a good learning experience. He always knew just how to make me smile, and we were perfectly content with just hugging each other forever and ever and never wanting to let go. We have the most random conversations and the best IDEAS and inside jokes.. I'm truly blessed to still have him as one of my best friends.

My second boyfriend was great as well. We had lots and lots of great times together, and I enjoyed all the quality time I got to spend with him. I knew a little bit more about relationships then, so things were easier. We understood each other well and he made me feel so special. Looking back, I realize how lucky I was to have him. We went together like *something really cheesy like PB&J* I enjoy his sense of humor.

My third boyfriend is the most likely out of all the other ones to actually read this post. He was definitely one of the better things in life that has happened to me. His laid-back personality and wisdom beyond his years made me see things from other perspectives. He also knew how to have fun, and we'd have movie nights and game nights with friends. Those were the best. We still talk often and I'm beyond glad. He's always there when I need someone to talk to, and despite all of my insanity, he never judges me. Or at least if he does, he's good at hiding his judgments. :b Kind of tearing up as I write this... well yeah. I could go on and on talking about this kid, but I'm trying to keep these paragraphs slightly uniform in size.

My fourth boyfriend was really good to me. And good for me. He helped me with my school work and he'd take me to tutoring with him, which was always helpful. He was a complete gentleman and we always had fun joking around and passing notes in class. Unfortunately this relationship ended earlier than it should have because of personal issues I was having, but thankfully there wasn't really an awkward "post-break-up, pre-friendship-again" stage. We're still good friends and I'm honored to know such a nice fellow.

My fifth and current boyfriend. Man oh man. This relationship started in the most random of ways. Then again, pretty much all my relationships did.. anyway. I thought he looked like an actor, had a freak attack and thought he was too cool for me, and here were are.. two months later. My favorite things we do include spending quality time together talking, walking along the beach, and having fun. And eating. I like that he's open to try something my way, and I'm willing to try something his way. I think we're a good pair because I can teach him to loosen up and he can teach me to be more disciplined.

Even though one could say that I've dated too many guys, I don't really think so. I think that dating is a way to expose yourself to new things. And besides, it's fun to have someone to learn with. I put as much effort into every relationship I have, and I wouldn't have a relationship just for the heck of having one. I'm thankful for all the great times I've had and for all the lessons I've learned.

If you're one of these boys, listen up real quick.
Regardless of where we may stand right now,
I love you.
I loved you once, and I'll always love you.
I don't toss around the words "I love you", so believe me when I say it.

"To handle yourself, use your head. To handle others, use your heart." - Unknown





Sunday, October 2, 2011

My feelings are songs

In the car I just can't wait,
to pick you up on our very first date
Is it cool if I hold your hand?
Is it wrong if I think it's lame to dance?
Do you like my stupid hair?
Would you guess that I didn't know what to wear?
I'm too scared of what you think
You make me nervous so I really can't eat

Let's go, don't wait, this night's almost over
Honest, let's make this night last forever
Forever and ever, let's make this last forever
Forever and ever, let's make this last forever

When you smile, I melt inside
I'm not worthy for a minute of your time
I really wish it was only me and you
I'm jealous of everybody in the room
Please don't look at me with those eyes
Please don't hint that you're capable of lies
I dread the thought of our very first kiss
A target that i'm probably gonna miss

Let's go,don't wait, this night's almost over
Honest, let's make this night last forever
Forever and ever, let's make this last forever
Forever and ever, let's make this last forever

Let's go, don't wait, this night's almost over
Honest, let's make, this night last forever
Forever and ever, let's make this last forever
Forever and ever, let's make this last forever
Forever and ever, let's make this last forever
Forever and ever, let's make this last forever

Saturday, September 24, 2011

THIS guy...

First date:
Walking, talking.
Michael's craft store, blue sharpie, Halloween.
3rd street, walking.
A & F, Fierce, boat, moose.
Victoria's secret, fruity.
Chipotle, vegetarian bowl, pinto black beans, ice, lemon, random friends, talking, guacamole, to go.
Married couple, afro, indie, Pacsun, friends, Jane, Savannah, hands, pop art, incense,
Line. Hungry friends. Tickets. Brown&Blue eyes. Jersey Shore. Perfect seats. Jane. Books. Same row. Documentary. Hands. Grumpy lady. Q&A. Monkey. Video. Photograph. Parents. Walking. Gap. Goodbyes.
Perfection. (: 

Monday, September 5, 2011

Don't Speak

Play this song then read:
Don't Speak - Gwen Stefani


"You and me
We used to be together
Every day together always

I really feel
I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe this could be the end

It looks as though you're letting go
And if it's real
Well I don't want to know"


Where are you?
Where did you go?
Where'd WE go?
I thought we were best friends?
I really love you and need you in my life..
For some reason we haven't been communicating as well as we used to. What happened to texting all the time, hanging out all the time, sitting on the grass all the time, US all the time...  
I'm sorry if I did something wrong.
Just please.. please come back. /:


Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Depressed?

"But now that I'm older,
my heart's colder,
and I can see that it's a lie."

Wake Up - Arcade Fire
Love stinks.

Everybody goes through their fits of depression.

This is mine.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

First off - "Pretending" lyrics
between Rachel and Finn. THEY LOVE EACH OTHER.  They just can't.
I love you. I just can't.

face to face and heart to heart
we’re so close, yet so far apart
i close my eyes i look away
that’s just because i’m not okay

but i hold on, i stay strong
wondering if we still belong
will we ever say the words we’re feeling
reach down underneath and tear down all the walls

will we ever have a happy ending
or will we forever only be pretending
will we a-a-a-always a-a-a-always a-a-a-always be pretending
how long do i fantasize
make believe that it’s still alive
imagine that i am good enough
and we can choose the ones we love

Second off, and on a lighter note -
I MET THIS GUY TODAY. And, well, he was pretty much a spitting image of Ryan Gosling. Yeah.
I've seen him around a few times, but I think he got a new haircut or something, or maybe it's just that I finally introduced myself and looked in his eyes, but DAMN. Just damn. I even told him he was gorgeous and looked like Ryan Gosling. Sadly, he didn't know who that is. Then I totally had an "omgyouregorgeousimmafreakout" moment with him there. Awkward. I told my friend I would be Rachel McAdams. He asked who that was. My friend said, "Oh, she's the girl who is with Ryan Gosling in the notebook."
TALK ABOUT EMBARRASSING. But still funny. I tend to make a fool out of myself... ANYWAY,


Thirdly, ending on a depressing note as always,
I quite often lose sight of who I am.
I JUST DON'T GET IT.
I don't know what "it" is, but whatever "it" is... I don't get it.