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Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Home Away From Home

I found it! I finally found it! 
A home away from home.
A place I can go to,
and I always know I'll have people who will be there for me.
They've got my back and I've got theirs.
We're all the best of friends; laughing, joking, smiling, playing games...
These people are the most amazing people ever.
They know how to have fun, and they're just all around amazing people.

there's always a turning point in these stories.
Guess what?
I was wrong.
I didn't find it.
I didn't find anything.
I thought these people were my friends.
I really thought they were.
But nope.
They're nothing.
Just like what I am to them.
Now they're all laughing and joking and smiling and playing games with eachother.
Meanwhile, I'm just sitting there. In the same room as them.
Sitting there watching them all have fun.

Exclusion. That's what I feel when I'm around these people.
The people that I went so far as to call my home.
My family.

Maybe this is why it's hard for me to trust?
I believed - I actually believed I could trust these people,
and give them everything I had.
I was wrong.
I could never see them again and they wouldn't even notice a difference.

I mean, sure, I AM friends with some of these people.
Some of them are actually really nice and have been the best of friends to me.
They've given me all the strength and advice to make me that much stronger.
They've helped me solve my problems, been my shoulder to cry on, and been there to make me laugh when I was having a bad day. They make me so happy. Some of my better friends are included in this family.

So even though I absolutely adore some of these people, and they adore me as well, I still get this horrible stomach aching pain when I'm with the group as a whole.
I feel like they dislike me so much.
I want to leave them, because I can't stand thinking that,
but I love it. The group.
I love the group.
I love the idea of the group.

I'm not gunna let these people get in my way of enjoying myself.
But just so you all know, a smile goes a long way.
A "hello!" and a hug goes a long way.
Is it really THAT hard to be friendly to someone?
To include someone rather than exclude them?
I guess so.

But like I always say,
this just makes me stronger.

~Rebecca Marie

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